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~1~

I'm watching something on TV about autism.  It's showing a segment about the police and interactions with autistic people.  A man is a trainer for police departments on how to deal with people with autism.  People can sometimes mistake autistic tendencies with other things such as being under the influence.  It has happened that police officers have killed a person with autism because there had been a misunderstanding from both the autistic person and the police.  I really hope the more and more police departments are trained to deal and recognize people with autism.  

~2~

When we started on our long journey to finding out what was going on with Brother, we started with a psychologist.  The psychologist was supposed to be an expert and autism wasn't even on his radar.  Brother knocked over all the chess pieces in his chess set.  He wanted Brother to pick it all up, but Brother chose not to.  He wasn't being defiant.  I think at that point he had shut down so it was difficult to get him to process any instructions especially then.  The doctor told me he thought Brother had ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).  If a doctor can make this sort of mistake, imagine the kinds of mistakes a police officer can make.

~3~

There have always been debate on whether to label a child with a disability.  A common argument against labeling a child is that the child will be hindered.  I don't take that view at all.  If my son wants to go on to college, then he is at a distinct disadvantage as he is at all times.  Most places have allowances for special needs.  A diagnosis will help not hinder.  Now, I know that once he goes off to work he's on his own.  I know that he will have to find a job where he will do his absolute best without having to use his autism as a crutch to not do a good job.  

~4~

My biggest worry in life, besides whether or not we will all make it to heaven, is who will take care of Brother when I'm no longer able?  I hate to burden his sisters, but they'll have to be there.  I know, he can take care of himself.  He is pretty high functioning.  However, he probably will need some guidance at all times.

~5~

Brother knows he has autism, but he doesn't understand exactly what it is.  His sisters don't quite understand either.

~6~

He doesn't always understand what happens in social situations, but he knows sort of what's going on.  He has noticed that the boys his age don't play or speak to him.  He also notices that his friends, in a group situation don't always include him.  His lack of social skills is one of his biggest obstacles.  Saturday morning had me comforting him as he cried about the boys not letting him play their games because they said he didn't play well enough.  And, I admit to getting angry for him when these same boys surrounded him while he was playing on the Nintendo DS.  Until we can prayerfully discern otherwise, we will be stepping back from group activities.  I just can't put my son into situations where he will be hurt.  It's not necessarily a malicious things as a careless thing.

~7~

Another of our biggest obstacles is his inability to read and follow a story.  He can't figure out what's going on.  Picture books are great as are comics, but he needs to be able to read more than that.  

Boy, that was a depressing 7 Quick Takes.  And, it's my final autism post of this month.  I've had a lot of the real dealing with life and autism being the only parent home for now.  I'm hoping next year will be better for Autism Awareness Month.

Check out Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.  

A few years ago, I read that Ryan Barrett had participated in his homeschool group's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.  I had the same reaction about my son wanting to participate in a production as Mary Ellen.  

I decided that I needed to give him a chance.  He wanted to do it.  I had to let go.  So, I decided to help direct another play.  

We practiced for nine months and yesterday and today we had our performances.  We had to do some serious cramming on his lines, but he did it.

I had to let go.  And, he soared.

I've heard it said that people with autism love rules.  What they don't mention is that it's their rules they like.  Not necessarily yours.  If a rule doesn't make sense or he doesn't want to follow it, it's hard for Brother to do so.  

For a long time, we had to have lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly six.  If we got to the table a few minutes early, we'd have to sit there and wait until the clock struck 12 or 6.  He's become a bit more relaxed.  Part of that is because of his growing maturity and part of it is that we have such a varied evening schedule that the variation became his new norm.

He can still be really rigid about times.  He was invited to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago.  The mom was out and about so she called to say she'd pick him up.  She ran a few minutes late and it just about drove Brother crazy.  Even though I had told him it would be rude to ask why she was late, he did it anyway.  See?  His rules, not mine. 

I have to admit it that keeping me awake worried about his life as an adult.  What if he broke a law because he just felt that he didn't need to follow it?  I hope I can teach him well enough that that doesn't happen.  He usually has the best of intentions, but they don't turn out well at all.

We sit in the same pew every Sunday and during daily mass.  He needs that to feel comfort.  He also sits at the very end on the left.  He's better about not requiring the same pew if we are late, but he does have to sit on the very left of the family.  It works out as I need to sit somewhere int he middle with the kids and Honey will not sit next to strangers.  We end up arriving at church very, very early each Sunday.

I allow some of the things he requires because otherwise he feels anxious.  I have to gauge what he needs against how much it will disable him as he gets older.

Being a parent of an child with autism can be quite a balancing act.

Today Brother spoke to me about himself.  He asked me if I read books in my mind.  Or watch movies.  I told him no.  He told me that he can read books by closing his eyes.  He can then see the words.  I'm sure he has a somewhat photographic mind.  He also said the last time he watched a movie in his mind, he watched the sequel to the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.  

I wish I could spend some time in his mind.  He's such an interesting character but a lot of his interesting things stay hidden in his mind.  I love watching it all come out bit by bit.

He thinks in pictures so he has difficulty following words if there are not pictures available.  

My son had a total of 4 hours of therapy each week.  He has 2 half hour sessions of speech therapy, 2 one hour sessions of occupational therapy and one hour of ABA therapy.  We spend many hours waiting for him every week.  Add in the travel time (25 minutes to ABA therapy) and our lives revolve around his therapies (and ballet).  

He has had his speech therapist since he was 6 years old.  Kris knows him so well and we have seen such improvement.  Right now, she is fine tuning his communication skills.  She taught him what idioms were.  Use one, and he'll ask what it means and then tell us it's an idiom.  It's very cute.

Liz, his OT, has been with us just bit less than Kris.  She has been away twice for maternity leave.  Those months are a bit hard on him, but he bounces back once Liz returns.  We are more than willing to change our schedules for her.  She really gets the most out of Brother.

Angela has been Brother's ABA therapist for two years now (I think).  ABA stands for Applied Behavioral Analysis.  It's a behavioral approach to therapy.  For the most part, Angela works with him on his social skills where he really needs a lot of help.  It's been wonderful.

It can be difficult to figure out what types of therapies a child may need.  I wish there was a care manager who we could go to with an issue and she'd be able to tell us what type of therapy is needed.

My son's life has always been unpredictable.  His father left for a Korea deployment 2 weeks after his birth.  We lived with my family for two years while Ben was away with a few visits in between.  Upon Ben's return, we moved to Missouri.  Less than two years later, we moved to Virginia.  Finally, we ended up here in Texas.  

It is no wonder Brother has such high anxiety.  A child with autism thrives on the familiar.  Brother had no idea where we were going to be from year to  year.  I can only imagine what the day to day was like for him.  

During all this time, I was the only constant.  Whenever I left him, he would be anxious.  If it were at night, he would stay awake until I returned.  And, then it would take days and days to get him back to comfortable.  It became too costly for me to go out.  

Last year, we turned the corner.  I was able to really leave him behind.  I even left him for an overnight trip.  He was really, really worried and cried when I left, but he had a great time.  Later in the summer, Ben and I were even able to leave him with a babysitter.  

I know that lots of children with autism need medication to deal with other mental health issues.  I'm thankful, Brother's problems are not too severe and that we're able to deal with it.  

Right now, our issues deal with Ben's absence.  He won't talk about it with anyone.  If anyone brings it up, he changes the subject.  I'm thinking he may need to visit a counselor because I don't want him to have this inside him with no way out.  

Parenting is hard and I second guess myself all the time, but parenting a special needs child brings those doubts out more.