PFC Payton A. Jones returned home today. Ben, the children and I had just walked out of the Bluebonnet Cafe when we saw the flags.
We were honored and privileged to have been present to welcome home a hero. He gave his life in service to this country. May we learn his name. May we honor his sacrifice and the sacrifice of his family.
This hero died at the young age of 19.
On Saturday, we took the children to a child safety class. They learned stranger danger and how to recognize and run from it. They learned that unless we, the parents, tell them, everyone is a stranger. And, that every stranger is bad. Why? Because you can't tell by looking at them.
This training has affected us all differently. Sister is very scared. I want her to be but I also want it tempered with caution. It is scary out there, but we must use our minds and try not to get into dangerous situations. For now, it's No, run away and tell your parents.
It is a very delicate balance. At the end of class, the instructor gave them ways to break the hold of the bad guy. The truth is, the children are small and probably won't be able to break the hold of any big adult. If they do, it will only be temporary. I think it gave them a false sense of power. So, I spoke with my older three and told them pretty bluntly that if they are ever in a situation like that, the chances of coming back are nonexistent. I told them to work very hard to not get into that point.
I pray constantly that nothing like that happens to my children. My stomach knots up terribly if I think of it happening to them. Now, I can only hope we have instilled some good things to think about. I hope (and pray), they'll never get into any of these types of scenarios.
Then, I have Brother who just didn't get the playacting part. Oh, what's my address? Well, I'll tell you. He thought the other kids who were yelling at him to stop giving it out, were the ones being bad. Poor kid. A new thing to work with him on. He has been taught to answer questions. A social skill. Now, I have to teach him the nuances somehow.
This parenting thing is scary. Fulfilling, but seriously scary.
I hope Sister rebounds soon. I hate to see her so afraid. I hate to see some of her innocence go.
One
My mind is filled with tutus. Ideas for bodices and decorations. Styles of bodices. Fabrics.
Two
One of my favorite cooking shows is "Worst Cooks". Oh, my goodness. I'm not a great cook but a not a bad one. Makes me feel better. It's awful, but…
Three
I'm an alum of Boston University. I recently learned that the hockey team has been working to raise money for autism awareness. Their uniforms have a blue puzzle piece on their shoulders. I am so proud of them.
Four
I have to say, I love Texas weather. At least in the winter. It was 86 degrees Thursday. Short sleeves!
Five
I need a trip to the beach. Preferably at a beach house where I can walk down to the water. It's been years since we've been down to the Gulf. Pumpkin has never even been. The last time was when Honey was not yet one.
Six
The children are all too young to fast for Ash Wednesday. We worked on fasting from snacks. You would've thought we'd starved Pumpkin for days. We then had a discussion about how some kids go without meals constantly. And, for them to think about how they felt. I saw the words hit Pumpkin. She was keenly feeling hungry. And, she felt sad. I could see the sadness go over her face as she processed the information.
Seven
Honey learned to ride a two wheeler on Thursday. I'm so proud of her.
I'm not ready. I mean I'm really not ready. I don't want to fast tomorrow. I don't want to give anything up. I'm really not ready. And, I don't wanna.
I feel like I've already lived my Lent. And, I'm tired. I think six months is enough of a "lent".
This past deployment was very, very hard. It shouldn't have been. My parents are living with me so I had adult company. I had physical help. But, no one can really take the burden of parenting away.
Toddlers are easier. You can move them physically. It's easier to cuddle them and read a book to them. Littler kids are easy to distract. They don't feel the absence of the other parent as keenly as the older ones.
I had a 10 year old girl and a 13 year old boy who is actually developmentally around 10. So, it was hard. They were hard. The 10 year old girl was extremely emotional. She missed her dad. A lot. The 13 year old boy had so many changes within his body (did I mention he's got a mustache?) but is really only at a 10 year old level. He had no idea what was going on. It didn't get to him much, but it did make him more difficult to handle.
Looking back, I can't pinpoint why it was so hard except for the above. But, I can make a pretty good guess that deployment followed very closely by my sister-in-law's death followed by deployment probably didn't help. I'm not sure I grieved fully. I jumped right into helping my brother so I don't know if I really did. But, then I'm not sure I grieved fully my friend, Dave's, death. And, that was at the end of deployment.
My shoulders can hold a lot. I'm a very strong person. But, I haven't been able to shrug things away as easily these past few years.
So, I guess my Lent will be in working to get myself back on track. To work at getting back to an even keel.
As Father Tyson, a priest we just loved who is now at Fort Stewart, used to say, "I'll pray for you. Pray for me."
One
Raising a child with special needs is a challenge. Often, I think, "Oh, we're finally making headway." Then, I get a report. An evaluation. The latest one marks Brother at a 7 year old level on some things. I won't get into what items here, as I don't want to violate his privacy too much. It's not a HUGE thing, but it's enough to see it in writing to make me want to weep. He struggles on a daily basis to navigate in the world while we neurotypical people just breeze on through. I've shed many a tear for him. I worry incessantly over his future. He is a wonderful boy. A teen. New challenges keep cropping up. Sometimes I worry that I won't be able to keep up with them.
Two
In case you haven't heard, the Obama administration has mandated that the Catholic church and affiliated organizations should provide for free, contraceptives via their health insurance for their employers. I am incensed that the President of this great nation would do this. How could he? Or as one article says, "How dare he?" This is not about contraceptives. If you think so, you are a blinded. This is all about taking away rights. If this right to our freedom of religion is trampled on now, it will be worse later. There will be more and more taken away.
Three
Doom and gloom, huh? That's how I've been feeling. Sometimes I feel the walls are crumbling. What walls? The walls I've erected to keep all the stressors compartmentalized. Brother, deployment, car accident, grief unexplored, reintegration. Just lots and lots of stress. I'm afraid of it all boiling over. Pray for me?
Four
The spring ballet season is in full swing. I know that company rehearsals start next week. I'm excited about what will be coming. We're discussing costume ideas. I'm doing research. This is the FUN part for me. Besides seeing my beautiful girls dance. I just love it all.
Five
I have a special intention that needs prayers. Saint John of God, please pray for us.
Six
Ben is off for the next three weeks. It will be good for the children to have him home. I'm sure they all thought they'd be off from school the whole time, but I had to disabuse them of that notion. I did tell them that if they worked extra hard and did extra stuff each day, they could take the last week of his leave off from school.
Seven
I am actually making a craft from something I pinned on Pinterest. Are you on it? It's a wonderful world of visual yumminess. I'll post pictures once I'm done. I didn't get enough stuff to finish it. That's on tomorrow's agenda.
It's interesting. Some people love it. Some people hate it. If you know me at all, you know I love it. I have friends from high school, college, local friends, and friends I've never met in person. The Catholic homeschool community is amazing. I've met so many people on-line. After having met them on-line, I've made the effort to meet them in person.
Homeschooling can be isolating. Oh, sure, we have a great community here. But, our daily lives consist of being at home and well, learning. So, sometimes when I have to complain about something or if something excites me, I have to shout it to the world. The best thing about Facebook? The prayers.
I've been made fun of because of my propensity to post to Facebook. I post pictures. I post events. I post complaints. I post my views and articles which illuminate my views. Some people are offended. I've recently made a list of people. A list of people who won't be seeing my posts. I'm too lazy to change it each time I post innocuous things. So, I won't.
Another thing I won't do? Apologize for my faith and my convictions.
I am hoping this is the last one. But, it's the Army and we have 2 1/2 more years before he will retire. He can retire this October. But, we will wait longer. Although truth be told, I might have to ask him to wait until after 2016. You see, his retirement certificate will be signed by the Commander-in-Chief. We will see after November.
One
Ben returned on Sunday around 9pm. The children were kept in the dark until about 7 when my dad hung up the welcome home sign. They were very happy. Sister was too but you could see in her face that the past six months had been painful for her. A suffering of sorts. It was written all over her face. And, Brother. He broke down after processing it.
Two
Reunions are great. Reintegrations are not. Enough said, right military wives?
Three
It's upsetting to learn that a young girl's heart has been hurt repeatedly for a year as she was bullied in what is considered a pretty safe environment. But, the adult leader is not able to be near every child as she teaches. And, can't hear the mean words being said. I know once she finds out what's been happening she'll be upset. Words can hurt. And, this beautiful soul has been carrying the pain silently for too long.
Four
So many people need prayers right now. Please pray for them all.
Five
The ballet school had open curtain today. It's always so fun to watch my girls. Sister and Pumpkin both had their classes on Thursday. Honey will have hers on Friday. They've all gotten much stronger. Sister and I stuck around and watched a little bit of the advanced group of gals. I felt sort of sad watching them because I knew we were going to lose a few of them to PCS moves this summer.
Six
It's tax season. I need to get our taxes done. I also take care of my parents' taxes and one of my brothers. My parents are going to visit Patrick and pick up his tax information for me. I wish he lived closer so I could see him more often.
Seven
Sunday is the Super Bowl. I need to dig out my Patriot bows. Go PATRIOTS!!!
For days now, I've been restless. Feeling unsettled. Worried almost. I have barely been able to sit down and sew or knit. My studio is once again a mess as I've flitted from one project to the next and not finishing hardly any of them.
For weeks and months now, I've been reading about all the wonderful babies. Babies who have come and babies who are coming. Babies to moms who have struggled with wanting more but not yet having more.
Please all my wonderful friends who are pregnant or have just had babies: I am VERY HAPPY for you. This is all about my feelings about myself. I have loved seeing the new little ones popping up here and there in photos on the blogosphere. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of some more babies.
However, I'm feeling somewhat lost. Feeling a physical longing for another little one. My heart just aches for another one. I thought I had passed this stage.
But, just now, I've had an epiphany. It'll be three years tomorrow. Three years since I lost my last baby. It still hurts.
~1~
I'm trying to get back in the saddle on various things and blogging is one of them. I want to continue to blog here and to blog more at The Seemly Seamstress. Now, the key word is "try".
~2~
Ben comes home soon. I'll leave it at that.
~3~
It is not Nutcracker season. It seems odd to have Saturday afternoons off, but it's nice.
~4~
Parenting older kids is exhausting. It was so much easier to parent toddlers. They were physically exhausting, but older kids are more mentally taxing. And then, there's the constant worry that I'm ruining my children for the rest of their lives.
~5~
Can I say how thankful I am for my parents? They've been such a great help to me this deployment. It's still very hard because well, see number 4, but the house hasn't been this neat during a deployment. And, well, the house has never been that neat or clean during Nutcracker season. Well, it's never really neat, but neater than it would've been without my parents around.
~6~
The presidential election is coming up. I'm really worried.
~7~
Very worried.
Site Title 