Lately, I've been feeling quite melancholy and sad. You see, a date is coming up. It is my due date except it isn't. There's no baby here on earth. She's already in heaven waiting for the rest of us. I know intellectually how wonderful that is. This mother's heart, though, aches terribly. It's been compounded, of late, by frequent contact with a friend who is due on the Exact. Same. Day. I am soooo happy for her and can't wait to see what I know will be a beautiful bundle of joy. She's actually coming this Friday via c-section. Every time I see her, it feels like a knife through the heart. The what-should've-beens are just bringing me to my knees.
Then, I've had the guilt. I've felt that this friend and her baby deserves a celebratory baby shower, but I've not been able to bring myself to organize one. I can't do it. Aren't I an awful person? I've been trying to offer it up, but I'm afraid I've not been very good at it. This is a terrible pity party, isn't it?
Moving on to a different topic. I have over 11,000 photos on my hard drive. That explains why this computer runs slower than it should. I've also been warned by my computer that my disk space is dangerously low. I need to back up my photos but it's such a daunting task, I've been procrastinating. That explains why I haven't had photos on this blog lately. Did you know CDs only hold 700 MB of RAM? Do you know how many CDs it'll take? I'm investigating other options. As soon as I figure it all out, I'll start posting all the wonderful pictures including the ones of First Holy Communion (it was beautiful).
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