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The funeral service was beautiful.  It was very comforting.  I went into the chapel before anyone else had arrived and had my breakdown then.  So many thoughtful people had sent beautiful flowers.  Erin sat in the midst of all that beauty and it just broke my heart.  

My friend Cecelia made up some pink bows and some pink ribbon pins for me.  The girls all wore them in their aunt's honor for pink was her favorite color.  I wore a bow as well and most of my family wore a pin.  

Patrick held up well considering what the event was.  He made it to the gathering to hear Erin's best friend give the eulogy.  

But, now what?  Get back to life?  As if nothing had gone wrong?  It seems like we have to but I'm having trouble.  I can only imagine how Patrick and her parents feel.  

It brings to the forefront that even though there are people in my life who are not always involved in my day to day life, I need to make an effort to connect.  I will always regret not connecting enough with Erin.  As I was driving down to Houston the last time with my mom, my sister, and future sister-in-law, I found out that my future sister-in-law loves coffee.  Why didn't I know that?  I've known her for over 2 years.  I should know that.  

So, what happens next?  I will go on.  I will continue on the best way that I can supporting Patrick and as much as I can, Erin's parents.  I will get to know better my family and friends.

But, it will be slow.  We are all slow to get back to the new normal for the old normal is no more.