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I'm not ready.  I mean I'm really not ready.  I don't want to fast tomorrow.  I don't want to give anything up.  I'm really not ready.  And, I don't wanna.

I feel like I've already lived my Lent.  And, I'm tired.  I think six months is enough of a "lent".

This past deployment was very, very hard.  It shouldn't have been.  My parents are living with me so I had adult company.  I had physical help.  But, no one can really take the burden of parenting away.  

Toddlers are easier.  You can move them physically.  It's easier to cuddle them and read a book to them.  Littler kids are easy to distract.  They don't feel the absence of the other parent as keenly as the older ones.

I had a 10 year old girl and a 13 year old boy who is actually developmentally around 10.  So, it was hard.  They were hard.  The 10 year old girl was extremely emotional.  She missed her dad.  A lot.  The 13 year old boy had so many changes within his body (did I mention he's got a mustache?) but is really only at a 10 year old level.  He had no idea what was going on.  It didn't get to him much, but it did make him more difficult to handle.  

Looking back, I can't pinpoint why it was so hard except for the above.  But, I can make a pretty good guess that deployment followed very closely by my sister-in-law's death followed by deployment probably didn't help.  I'm not sure I grieved fully.  I jumped right into helping my brother so I don't know if I really did.  But, then I'm not sure I grieved fully my friend, Dave's, death.  And, that was at the end of deployment.  

My shoulders can hold a lot.  I'm a very strong person.  But, I haven't been able to shrug things away as easily these past few years.  

So, I guess my Lent will be in working to get myself back on track.  To work at getting back to an even keel.  

As Father Tyson, a priest we just loved who is now at Fort Stewart, used to say, "I'll pray for you.  Pray for me."