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In the whirlwind of events that surrounded my cancer diagnosis, I didn't know how long I would live.  Things were very uncertain.  If anyone has ever googled the prognosis of stage IV metastatic breast cancer, you would know it's not fantastic.  I choose very deliberately not to dwell on it.  Occasionally, I do reflect on what it all means.  This is one of those moments.

Tomorrow, I turn 50.  I am privileged to celebrate my 50th birthday.  Perspective is everything, isn't it?  I would never have had this mindset BC (Before Cancer).  I probably would've been lamenting this getting old business.  Facing one's mortality allows me to dwell on how mindfully I want to live my life.  I choose to live as fully as I can.  I do things I would normally not have done BC.  I said yes to an Italy competition for my daughters.  I said yes to France with Ben.  I said yes to spending so many moments with my children.  I have a trip to take eventually with my son to Europe.  

Living with cancer comes with its challenges as well.  I often wonder if I will be there for my children's weddings.  Oh, I so want to be.  I want to meet my grandchildren.  I don't know how long I have here.  I know that no one does.  I do know that my family is pretty long lived and I would most likely have lived to my 70s.  I'm pretty healthy despite my cancer although the treatments can wear me down.  I have a knot the size of Texas on my hips from the shots I receive monthly.  Despite all of that I am blessed.  I am loved.  

God willing I will see many more birthdays.